I know that this girl is independent, legitimately super-busy and hasn't been in a lot of relationships I think I do need to take a step back and not try to force things You are even lucky she wants to see you again and told you what day she's going to see you right away. That is GOOD sign. I know so many people including myself that's been in situations where the guy just can't see me because at all and gives me an excuse on why and that guy wasn't even busy at all!
He didn't have a job and all he did was sit at all, but he just didn't feel like it's worthy to see me by taking the train or getting a ride from his friend. No, he didn't drive, but still he could've found ways to see me. Just chose not to.
Thanks for the feedback, Interfuse. Yeah, sometimes people just use "I'm busy" as an all-purpose excuse.
In my case I know this girl really is super-busy; she told me about how crazy busy her life is the very first time we went out. I guess I'll just hang in there and see how it goes. All times are GMT The time now is 3: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. Thanks for the polite response -- I hope mine didn't come off harsh.
I knew I should have used better stats haha. I just picked off that one site and threw it in. But any way you look at it, there are a ton of single women not in relationships. Again from the BLS: Thirty-four percent of young adults were married at age 27, while 20 percent were cohabiting and 47 percent were single. On average, young adults with more education were more likely to be married and less likely to be cohabiting. Quality is all relative anyway. Anyway, that exaggeration can deter a lot of men from getting out there. It also makes it seem like the only real way to meet women is by having lots of female friends.
That's a great avenue and I know lots of guys who date beautiful women through social circles. But after coaching 8 years, if you spent an hour or two during the day or at an event introducing yourself to women -- you'll have far more dates lined up, far quicker. I help guys meet single, attractive women through cold introductions all the time. In fact, I've found what I consider to be quality women are less likely to jump from one relationship to another. They go on more dates, are not rushed to settle, and are far more picky about the values from the guys they date.
Again, your experiences are different but I do know dozens if not hundreds of guys who have lots of girl friends and appreciate them. But the way they carry themselves and present their intentions leaves them always as friends in women's eyes and nothing more. I generally begin by keeping things light both flirtatiously and with conversation and then progressively get more personal and intimate on both fronts.
I'd suggest going through the flirting and sex sections of Dating to get a better idea of how to do those things. Hey, I'm back to throw more stuff into the debate. I came across this article which is on point with what I am saying. I looked up her Linked-In profile and she is a researcher studying, among other things, initial attraction. First, you reduce the pressure on yourself because the threshold for not being rejected is much lower.
If approach a woman with "I want to date her" in my head I think I have jumped the gun.
It's best to approach a woman with the idea "She is interesting, I want to get to know her. If I take the latter mindset I am more relaxed and this comes across as confidence. Second, if I approach with the dating mindset, and I am rejected early on, it may only be my approach that is being rejected, not me. How well can a woman know me in 10 - 20 minutes?
If I take the view that I am trying to make a new friend then I are more likely to succeed as "dating" is a much more exclusive position that "friend. Yes, it is true that if my goal is to find a date in the shortest time then I want to approach women and make my intentions known early and in a open, direct and honest way. And if she is not interested, quickly move on to talk to another. I also can't emphasize enough that wasting time trying to get a girl to see me in a romantic way, when she she sees me phonically is wrong. I believe every guy can increase the chances that women in general will find them sexually attractive.
Some of those things are obvious, like taking care of yourself, go to the gym, good grooming, dress well, etc. But there are a lot of other things that I have learned by keeping the women who didn't want to date me as close friends.
I actually find this pretty attractive, as my usual routine is being The Busiest Person You Know hence, single! My experience of relationships with less busy people has been a lot of conflict and hurt about time, and my ideal is someone who's in a similar situation to me and can work with being on both sides of the busy situation.
I'm not looking for him to change. We've had one date, but it was a day and a half long and ended in us borrowing stuff off each other, and in the week since we've been in daily contact by email. So, being the less busy person right now, I'm not used to this: Current an anxious wreck. Any advice on strategies, or how you would like this to go if you are, or have been, insanely busy at the early stages of dating? Whenever I socialize with people who are busier than I am, I let them be the ones to decide when to fit me into their schedules, since my schedule adjusts more easily than theirs.
Being super-busy can give one a sense of accomplishment, but it also easily leads to emergencies when you need to do things but don't have time to do them. People can become very stressed by this, they may be suffering from sleep deprivation, and then they may become very angry when others make additional demands on their time.
So my advice is to proceed with caution. Yeah, as a perennially super busy person who frequently dates people with a lot more schedule slack than I have, it's kind of stressful to get multiple hang-out requests while I'm in flat out work mode, especially from someone new, because I feel I have to be "on," and can't just go have a quick chill outing.
I'm trying to make a good impression and I don't want to seem distracted, not put-together, stressed. Maybe amp up your own activities so you're super busy too and don't have time to freak out? I agree with leaving things in his court. Yeah, you've made a couple of attempts already, so leave the next step to him.
Let me know when you'd like to hang out," or something along those lines. You can continue to chat by e-mail, but let him take the initiative when he's ready to get together again. I dated an extremely busy guy once, and it wasn't his being busy that bothered me. It was the fact that he sort of just fit me in whenever it was convenient, and if it wasn't, I might not hear from him for weeks not even a quick hello by e-mail. The message was, "You mean less to me than everything else in my life. So I would beware of taking more initiative than he does just because you have less on your plate right now.
Seeing how he naturally prioritizes work, school, dating, etc. I met the woman I married while working full time and getting an MBA at night 4 classes the semester we met.
My weekend days were in group project work. I have two overriding thoughts. One, if he wants to make time, he will. Not every night, but he can find time once a week for at least an hour of drinks or a casual meal. He has to eat anyway right? Also, with email, texting and other instant type communication sort of like the phone when I was your age.
That thing that is part of the sms device , there is no reason why he and you cannot be in touch daily or more or less depending on what you both think is reasonable. Two, it will be very hard to develop a full emotional relationship. Good chance you end up being friends with benefits type relationship. Relationships develop with face to face communication and spending time together.
There will be a lot of pressure when you do get together. Be careful with this "super busy" thing. I put up with it for a long time in one relationship, and right before I was about to say "I'm going to find someone less busy" he dumped ME and proceeded to dote on another woman and have time for her he never had for me. I'm not saying your dude is that. But listen to your instincts if you think it is.